It's about the peace, the quiet; the surging power found in a cheated moment. It's not the fear of drowning that serves as the drug, but the beauty in the first breath of that crisp, sweet air when my head breaks the surface and the sound of life is no longer muffled. It's the moments of doubt and repentance when my body and mind separate- one pushing towards the rest of the world, the other protected by that deep blue barrier. Even amist the water all around me, my body is lit on fire. The desperate need to salvage my soul battles the desperation to drown. I'm never sure which will win the race against time; I'm never quite sure I'll be able to breathe again.
When I drown in my own mind, my whole body mimics the water. I see my sadness, my anger, my emotion mirrored back at me like a reflection. More pain, and the air stops coming, my eyes can no longer see. I am hollow, all that is left is the sting in my pupils and the soft feel of water everywhere on my skin.
The path that my tears traverse pull dark memories to the surface, like the mascara running down her face. Her eyes are a shocking blue, proof of the water that's welling beneath them. She hides behind her own barriers, like the water does for me; this stolen moment allowing us to see a flicker of who she is when her guard is let down. It's foggy, like the world she lives in, and she's numb, no longer wanting to feel what's around her. She cries, cries, cries searching for an escape from herself, a way to jump in the water. The background is deep and dark, like her mood. Our eyes are drawn to the direct approach of the shot, like we see her but it would be an imposition if she knew we were looking. It's a moment in it's purest form, stolen and frozen- personal. She doesn't make eye contact, because she's afraid if someone ever really looks at her, they'll see more than she wants them to. They'll see that she's drowning, that she's broken, and that she's not looking to be saved.
This is a gorgeous, evocative photograph. I like what you've done in your narrative. It feels curiously real. You chose a possible context, described it, then connected it to your own writing and emotions. The use of color, made a significant focal point. Would this pic have been the same without that focal point? Still would have been cool, but maybe not so striking. That bit of blue actually seems like Hope to me.
ReplyDeleteThe background of your blog really ties in with your pic choice too, very nice.
Thank you, Jenny. This piece is particularly close to my heart since I took the photograph. If you look back at the five pictures I had chosen originally, there is a photo of a girl in water, appearing to be drowning. I debated internally whether I should have written this geared more towards that picture, but I thought it might bring an unusual perspective if I chose something I had a personal connection to. Hope is an idea I hadn't considered, but as I look at it now I can see the contrast with the black and white to color would be a good representation of that. Thanks for your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteI think it's really cool that you chose to use your own photograph. It makes me think of our discussion about how and why an author (or photographer) conveys a certain meaning through their work. Was the viewpoint you expressed in you blog post the same as the meaning you were trying to impart when you took the photo? Or was it just one interpretation out of many possible choices?
ReplyDeleteI took that photo back in 2009, so it's sort of hazy trying to evoke the same emotion and remember the exact intent that I had at the time I took it. However, the metaphorical "drowning" was something that I actually pulled from the other shot I had considered using, and all of the sudden when I sat down to write it made complete sense to direct that at this shot. I was concerned while writing it that the connection wouldn't be clear enough, but the idea was important enough that I took the risk.
DeleteWow! I really enjoyed reading the descriptive narrative that you wrote for this photograph. Your ability to shed light on the emotions by comparing them to a physical act that we are all familiar with, (sitting beneath the water) is truly incredible. I think, atleast for me, it is often a challenge for people to convey and describe emotion without completely derailing the original feeling. I also really enjoyed how you wove the technical aspect of the photograph into your writing without making it dry and boring. Did you use photoshop to make the girls eye blue? I question your assessment that she is numb, because if that were the case, then why would there be wet streaks down her face from crying? A numb person wouldn't cry would they? Also, when I view this image, I get the feeling that this girl wants to be approached. I feel like she needs some physical contact, a hug perhaps? I', having a hard time pinpoint what makes me feel this way, which isn't much of a help to the analysis process...Anyway, incredible photo and writing...
ReplyDeleteThe eyes are enhanced by a photo-shop system, as you can tell from the slightly blue tint where it would otherwise be more white. However, the girl in the photo has electrically beautiful blue eyes, naturally.
ReplyDeleteEmotion epitomizes our humanity. Lack of it, and people become lost- hollowed figures. Perhaps using 'numb' wasn't the right word; she feels too much of all that is around her to be numbed. She's hoping though, for the moment when she can be. The moment when she can close her eyes without being tormented, the moment when tears aren't an everyday occurrence, when she can stop wishing for death because it seems the only way out. I suppose someone who feels that much, really, isn't numb at all.
Again, like we discussed in class, images and photo's are subject to our personal interpretations. Maybe to you, she needs a hug; to someone else she needs to toughen-up. When you're looking to pinpoint that feeling, I would assume there is something deep inside of you- a part of your humanity that isn't ready to run over the edge and resign your life to the fates, that wants to reach out to her. It's unrealistic to expect every audience to feel how I felt, and analyze how she feels and what she feels in the same manner. I really, really appreciate you sharing what you feel when you see her, so thank you. Like I said, this piece is very close to my heart.